From the CEO's Desk - Part 2

The CEO is taking his regular rounds of the factory. He is seen with his arm around a factory worker’s shoulder.

CEO to the factory worker: You are confident the machine will be ready within 2-3 days for dispatch?

The worker is a little puzzled and simply nods his head.

CEO : I need your assurance that the machine will be ready, you see we cannot disappoint the customer for the third time.

Two employees observe this from a distance.

Employee 1 to employee 2: Is that guy a project leader for this order?

Employee 2: He is a new contract labour who has just joined us 2 days ago.

Status of Mind of a Bored Professional

The black and green scarecrow as everyone knows
Stood with a bird on his hat and straw everywhere.
He didn't care.
He stood in a field where barley grows.

His head did no thinking
His arms didn't move except when the wind cut up
Rough and mice ran around on the ground
He stood in a field where barley grows.

The black and green scarecrow is sadder than me
But now he's resigned to his fate
'Cause life's not unkind - he doesn't mind.
He stood in a field where barley grows.

(lyrics of 'The Scarecrow' - Syd Barrett)

Have you had the feeling of being alone in an organisation? Like stuck in a field of rats racing each other, and watching scattered brained birds around you?
They call it being a scarecrow figure, the one that only looks scary but doesnt do anything real.
With hollow eyes it watches the field grows around it.

From the CEO's Desk - Part 1

CEO (of a small to medium sized company) to the HR head : I want to make sure every person we recruit is of high quality.

HR Head : Sure Sir, I shall send all candidates to you for final interview round.

CEO : Thats good.

HR Head : In that case there is a candidate who has come for his final round of interview. Shall I send him in?

CEO : Sure, for which post is it?

HR Head : Gardener.

CEO : Send him in right away.

(Thanks to Mrithyunjay for sending me this fantastic cartoon, more of his creations at www.mrithyunjaya.blogspot.com)

(The above conversation is based on a true incident. Any resemblance to living or dead person is not necessarily coincidence.)

Conversation between co-workers - part 2

Co-worker no 1: I was trying to reach you desperately for the last 2 days. Why didnt you answer your phone?

Co-worker no 2: Oh, I lost my phone in the bus while returning from the Airport. Have been running around since then to trace it.

(Just then a mobile phone rings in co-worker no 2's pocket)

Co-worker no 2: Oh, the bus operator managed to find it and returned it to me next day.

Co-worker no 1: Ah, thats a miracle. By the way didnt you return 3 days ago?

(The above conversation is non-fictional, with slight modification)

Conversation between Co-workers - part 1

(Drowned in a mountain of paperwork) Co worker no1 : I have to prepare for the daily production meeting.

Co worker no2 : I too am preparing for the same (scratching his head). But I am having a tough time coming up with how to bat the volley of questions. I think I am running out of excuses.

Co worker no1: Never mind, just recycle the excuse you gave 2 weeks ago, no one will recall.

About Fans and Hot Air

The fans in my office not enough to keep tempers down. Perhaps its time to make it centrally air conditioned!

A pressure cooker will have less hot air packed than a roomful of 'I know it all' managers.

Planning Mantra from Garfield

Since taking over Planning in my organisation few months ago, I have finally come across the best description of my work as presented by Garfield:

I believe in Planning ahead, becaaaauuse.....
If you spend enough time planning, you never actually have to do anything.

(see image below for original cartoon)

Turning a new leaf

It just dawned upon me that there's nothing profound I can write about a work place as a work place could be most dullest or most inspiring place depending on one's mood that day.

So I have decided that the easiest thing to write is just my daily mundane observations at my work place. no prizes for guessing what kind of mood I am in while writing the posts.

So here goes:

I am watching people flitting by before my desk as if they are all consumed by work. That makes me feel less of a work horse.

end of today's post.

Mind your language, Sir

Hey! Hullo!
I often hear these words used by a very elder colleague of mine every time he wants to get somebody’s attention. He would prefer using a 'hello' to calling the person by name. We are all used to the customary “hello” that is used to greet someone, but my friend here likes to use it to convey a message like– “hello, I am speaking, so get your attention here.”

I have always found it derogatory and now I even have the parliament’s support. The latest edition of 'Unparliamentary Expressions', a 900-page book published by the Lok Sabha secretariat that governs speech in Parliament and state legislatures, lists words and phrases disallowed in the Indian Parliament and in various state assemblies.

The book mentions that the term “hello” to catch the attention of the chair or Speaker’s attention is unparliamentary.

So there you have it, my friend would’ve been asked to mind his language if he had used his favourite word repeatedly inside the parliament. Too bad his speech is not governed by such a book at work.

I wonder if there is a similar book of unparliamentary expressions for a workplace. If there was one, it would perhaps list out the following words and expressions (I used an online snap poll to get these from my friends):

“I want this ASAP” (as soon as possible)
“Look here!”
“Do you mind” (if spoken curtly)
“What are you doing?” (Usually a redundant query when it is obvious what you are doing)
"You are not following the process"
"You know the system right? This is how it works"
"Leave it to me"
"No"

Some other not-so-pleasant phrases which qualify as double point of reference, have found its way into work culture and news reports are:

‘going to bed with’ – to indicate an alliance
‘its sexed-up’ - refers to false reporting (ex: the Satyam fraud)

Did you know words such as ‘shy’, unfortunate’, ‘stern school master’, ‘I am ashamed’, and ‘for christ’s sake’ are also unacceptable in the parliament. Perhaps at work too, such words can be avoided.

But how often does one pay attention to how we speak at work? From talking loudly over the phone in an open office environment, to laughing or jeering at someone followed by hush-hush conversation; its all over the work place.

Good manners are hardly followed by all during conversations. For instance not wishing your peers a “Good Morning”; not returning a ‘thank you’ with a ‘you are welcome’ or ‘don’t mention it’ or something of that effect; not saying an instant ‘thank you’ for a job well done; these are some rudimentary no-no.

Would love to hear from you on what puts you off and what qualifies as unparliamentary expression at your work place. Do leave your comments below.

Rescue me from a BORING meeting, please!

A meeting note from the boss squeezes out different emotions from different types of people. Those with management responsibilities, accept the circular as a fate of destiny, as if they have no choice but to prepare for the meeting and hope to come out alive.

Then there are those who don’t have much to contribute to the meeting but eagerly wait for meetings to happen as they can ‘justify’ being absent from their desk for hours. Meet the third kind of people who come to a meeting just because it is part of their job function, and not because they want to make their voice heard.

Then there is the fourth kind of people – the eager beavers, like myself who are just a few months old in the company and greet the invite with a serious determination to take it (the meeting) as a learning board. They would be alert throughout the meeting and even make an effort to steer the meeting to a conclusion.

What makes the meetings a dreadful thing for some and interesting for others?
I’d like to think it is the personal mindset and participation of others in the meeting that shapes the meeting.

I’m not going to delve too much onto how to make a meeting productive, but from my personal experience two greatest flaws of any meeting are a weak chairperson (one who conducts the meeting) and slackness in recording objectives of the discussion.

Even though you may go in with a neatly typed agenda or prepared colourful presentations, a meeting is surely to fail if the points deliberated are not recorded properly.

Any meeting should be able to answer the necessary five questions – what is the issue, why is this is an issue, how to resolve it, who can resolve it and by when can it be resolved.

So, I would suggest the minutes of a meeting or MoM to be recorded under the following sub-heads.

1. Issue – this would be a pre-determined agenda point. It is better to split the issues as minutely as possible instead of combining more than one issue.
2. Points discussed – Under this, one should write a gist of the discussion mentioning the points and counter points raised by members.
3. Action plan – this clearly defines the steps that need to be taken to resolve the issue. This could be as detailed as possible.
4. By Who – each action plan needs to be assigned to someone. Mention the name of the individuals or dept or team who has to carry out the action plan.
5. By When – it is important to put a date by when the assigned task is completed or results are expected. It could also be a date of review in most cases.

Every meeting’s MoM could be effectively captured using this format. One could also mark delays to complete a task by recording the revised dates for a specific action plan, thereby giving a clear picture of how many times the task was delayed and by whom.

Finally, to truly have a successful meeting, follow up, follow up, follow up.

"OK, now that we all agree, lets go back to our desks and discuss why this won't work."

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“Because there are so many ill-conducted meetings, managers who conduct effective meetings are often appreciated and respected” - Marie G. McIntyre, author of 'Secrets to Winning at Office Politics'.
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